Welcome to Prints on Wood!




Having the slightest artistic inclination usually warrants unwanted advances in the workplace. I'm not talking about being on the recipient end of inappropriate suggestions or unwelcomed leers. No, I'm talking about people you secretly hate asking you to illustrate the dumbest crap. "Hey, I hear you like to draw! Can you paint a picture of Tinkerbell in my daughters room?", "Could you design a Christmas Party poster for the breakroom?", or as I've waxed poetically in the past: "KAN U DRAW MY PIKTUR!?".

The worst part is they expect you to do all of this for free. Would a carpenter build you a beautiful cabinet only for you to post a picture of his work on your Facebook page in lieu of a payment? Would a plumber unclog your toilet for free if you promised him that you would tell all your friends what an awesome job he did instead? Would Nicolas Cage take any film role just because it was offered to him? Yes... yes he would, but those other 2 guys would probably tell you to go pound sand.

For those of you who might find yourself cornered into a similar situation since you're too timid to reply with a firm "NO!", I've discovered an incredibly passive way of avoiding this. The next time someone wants you to draw a picture of them "with bigger muscles and a smaller forehead" for free, just direct their attention to the app, French Girls.

What is French Girls you might ask? Well, it's a free community driven app that allows you to upload a selfie to a network of images. From  there, random users are able to choose from this collection of photos, and if you're lucky enough, they'll select your photograph and draw your likeness.


When you open up French Girls, you're taken to random collection of 9 photos. Once you select one of these images, you then have the ability to draw the likeness of the image you've selected. Since this eponymous app's namesake is taken from a reference made in the film Titanic, I'll be submitting this sultry photo of myself laying on my side à la Rose Dewitt.

FGDoes this excite you?

Alright, so while we're waiting for the birth of my masterpiece, lets take a stab at drawing some of the lovely people who were brave enough to submit pictures!


Looking through the submissions, I decided to sketch this picture of a dapper wild-eyed gentleman for my review. Now lets see what French Girls has to offer in terms of drawing.


First lets start with the Pencil tool. Tapping on it's respective icon not only accesses the tool itself, but it also open a slider allowing you to adjust the width of your line which is represented by a circle that scales representatively.


The next tool over is represented by a cartoon ghost wearing a chain around his neck. (Huh?) Clicking on this pulls up French Girls' shop. Turns out this tool is cleverly titled "Ghostface Fillah". The chain around Fillah's neck means that this tool is "locked" (nyuk-nyuk), and can be unlocked for a mere 99 cents. But what exactly does this tool do you might ask? It allows you to adjust the transparency of your lines and colors for shading/artistic effects while drawing. While this can be a useful feature, I'm not too sure about how much time I want to invest in drawing pictures of complete strangers, so I'll pass.


If you look to the center of the tool bar, you'll see a colored circle. This allows you access a basic color pallet that comes free with the app. If you feel the overwhelming need to expand your color palette at any given moment, French Girls allows you to purchase any of 9 additional color libraries for low-low price of $1. Each one of these libraries contains 5 colors each. Once again, I like to draw, but I'm not sure how inspired I can get with the premise of drawing random people making stupid faces.


Finally the last two tools to the right of the color picker is the Undo tool (counter clockwise arrow), and an upside-down blue triangle that removes the UI and isolates your illustration. Now that I have the jist of French Girls features, lets see how my illustration of our swarthy friend turned out.

fg7Close enough.

Incase you couldn't tell, that illustration took all of 5 minutes to draw, which apparently isn't enough time for someone to draw my picture since I haven't received any updates on my submitted image. I decided to kill some time by drawing some more, hoping that in the meantime someone would take on the challenge of drawing my freakishly large skull on their tiny iPhone screen.


So apparently this guy thought it would be a good idea to take a selfie in the dark, sparking my irrational fear of seeing the outline of a face peeking in through my window at night. I thought I would be nice and draw a picture that looks less creepy, but given my fat/shaky drawing hand, I managed to achieve the complete opposite. Although I feel like I was able to capture the fact that this guy would start breathing heavily while hiding in your bushes pretty well.


Given the fact I make the same exact face every time I walk into a room with a box of donuts, there's no way to sugarcoat this one... that rabbit is going to get violated. I hope whatever that stuffed rabbit suffered after this picture was taken was quick and painless. :(


This looks like one of those pictures some doofus takes after tricking their friend to look directly into the camera. "Hey, does the lens look cracked to you?" *CLICK*. Although the end result of this prank normally doesn't look like a disembodied head floating in the dark.


This one reminds me of those Octomom-looking wax lips the ice cream man used to sell, except for the fact that no one ever told me they were wax! I always just assumed they were made out of incredibly stale bubble gum. As inedible as they might have been, they're still nowhere nearly disgusting as candy corns.


I realized halfway into drawing this one that a huge double standard exists amongst the way people view the Ginger community. Why is it that fair skinned, red-headed girls are considered to be attractive whereas fair skinned, red-headed boys are considered to be an adopted child deserving of physical abuse? I decided to right this wrong by drawing a picture just as lovely of a guy with red hair... that is until I realized all of the red headed males who submitted a selfie looked like Beaker from Muppet Babies. (ME-me-ME-MEEE!)

fg13"It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip"

Yeah, I know, I'm a jerk. Now that there's at least seven people who now regret the decision of uploading their picture to French Girls, lets see if anyone took my bait and drew a picture of myself nearly as bad as the ones I drew of others.


While I can't refute the content of their message, I'm a little disappointed I offered up a cringe-worthy photo for a complete stranger to ridicule and got a factual statement instead. Normally we like to create a wood print in conjunction with my reviews, but I'm not going to waste our precious recources on something I'm constantly reminded of every time I look in the mirror.

So was French Girls able to stay afloat, or sink to the bottom of the ocean?


Although a bit of a novelty app, French Girls has a unique premise. When browsing through submitted images, there are some truly wonderful artistic interpretations. What I like most about them is how unpredictable these illustrated selfies can get.

fg15Some people like to break down the fourth wall...

fg16Others make you feel a little guilty for laughing at them...

fg17There's a couple of smart-allecks who like to get esoteric...

fg18And much to my surprise, there actually seems to be a (small) group of people who like to draw pictures nice enough to show your friends.

Bottom line is if you can take a joke and have a great sense of humor, then French Girls is definitely worth checking out, and if someone is nice enough to draw a cool picture of you, you can send it to us to turn into a wood print! ;)


For more information on French Girls, please visit: http://www.frenchgirlsapp.com/


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